Today April and Jamietan went back to Singapore, and thank God they arrived home safely (:
I hope you two dears had fun here; the food, the Kbox, the historical 'walk', the sleep, the Suju vids, whatever (:
Hahah thanks for coming! That was something worth looking forward to! And for the company you guys gave me! (:
Now that the both of you are gone, I'm kinda back to SAT and driving.
And maybe KL or Perak next.

Met up with some old friends. Some are still studying, so it's kinda hard to meet everyone just yet!
The years do create a gap that's a lil hard to fill in, because merely talking about old memories or how things used to be couldn't sustain for very long.
It's back to ground zero 'cause now i have to start over again, getting to know how things are like now.
Even when i went shopping with jamietan and apriltan, i myself was surprised by the changes in malacca itself. Shops i've never seen, roads ive never heard of, etc...
Welcome back, myself!



You didn't even say goodbye.

Today, Tuesday, is officially the last day I'll be spending in Singapore for the year 2009.
Well, that is, if you exclude Wednesday on which I'll be returning to Malacca by taxi :D
Lucky me.


Today was an extremely good day.
April Tan made me very very happy! Had a lot, a lot of FUN.
I know, capitalizing the FUN word isnt even enough. I need like, billions of it (:
Thank you for always thinking of me! And also for the songs you said you'd dedicate to me (:
I may seem as if I'mlooking at the list of songs, but i really am listening (:
Thank you :D


And then there're Ely, Chan, ZHao, Clare, and Wei Lun at the Kpool place.
Enjoyable times (:
Zhao's going for his NS this coming Fri, all the best, big boy! (:


and thanks WeiLun for the messages too! Heh, yes we are all weird people. Happy weirdos (:





Hmm.
I was going to say "I will miss Singapore!"
But in truth I really wanted to say "I will miss all of you in Singapore!" = "I will miss all my Singaporean friends!"
And also my fellow hostelmates, who'd been living with me these past 2 years.
2 whole years.


I really want to write more, to write more and more.
But if i shall ever start, it shan't finish tonight.
Maybe I'll write more when I reach home tomorrow night. Perhaps by tomorrow, the distance will be felt much more than it is now.


Goodbye, Singapore! (:
Thanks for accepting me and giving me family here, as well as granting me the safety I silently desire.




For tonight, tonight only,
she shall step into dreamland thinking of him.
He was her Pandora box, which she's kept at bay and not open for such a long period of time.
But since it will all end tomorrow,
only for tonight, and tonight only,
she won't lie to myself, saying she wasn't thinking of him again.

It's been a full year anyway.

It is exactly as they say.
You sow what you reap.

There were so many words. But as usual, none would come out when I need to pen it down.

Words that express our feelings accurately.

Feelings that are filling up the heart.

And the heart that feels as if it's going to burst because it can no longer contain the feelings.

How long, how often,

must we let silence replace the words,

to use silence to measure our distance?



Today I'm not writing to the usual 'you',

but to another 'you', who I am quite positive, have realised my silence.

I did not answer your questions, not because of what they say,

but because of how cold you'd made me feel.

I did not respond with the same enthusiasm,

because i realise it'll eventually lead us to feeling what we've both suffered for the past few months.



Someone told me this happened because of a third party, someone manipulative.

I did not agree, though it would definitely, feel much better to be able to

push all the blame on someone else.

What right do I, someone who didn't even manage to be an attentive ally,

a close comfort, or

a fair friend,

have to tell you who you should be with and who you shouldn't approach?



Well, 'you' just happened to pop into my head today.

And for the past few days, have been thinking of you.

Didn't I tell you?

You are quite important to me. I must've missed you somehow.



And today, you texted me by my name.

Nothing much... just kinda missed the informality.



Even if you read this, please pretend you didn't ><

Hate the silence, dislike the akwardness too.



Anyway, you won't be reading this, right, close friend.





Everyone has a story to tell.

Man, it's 1.11 a now (:



I guess i have to retire to bed soon, if I still want to wake up for school tomorrow ><

Have I mentioned?

There's one sole purpose for blogging today! (:

I had a good good dream this morning when I refused to wake up at 7 :p

Turned out to be the best 40 minutes I can have at sleep (:

Hahaha



Dreamnt of Jonghyun this morning! :D

Was kinda surprised that Shinee was in the dream hahaha, 'cause the setting was in our school, with April, Ely and Jamie.

I dreamnt that we were friends with the 5 of them. They were singers in the dream too, but we were all close friends and such.

Anyway, things happened here and there, and as I've always mentioned,

Dreams could feel so so so real.

Friendships were tested in the dream. Hurtful words and stuffs. T.T



Zzang! Good ending though (:

To just sort of summarise everything,

He took my bag away from me and I let him carry it for me.

He told me he'll always be there.

And he hugged me (: (: (:



It felt so real, the hug.

Could still almost feel my hands on his back, my arms making a perfect ring around his bony frame.

And how he held me firmly.

His shirt was grass green, and it felt soft against the cheek.

Stayed that way for what seemed like ages (and I'd not mind a bit even if it continues on HAHAHA 'cause it felt so warm! :D )

And then I slowly opened my eyes.



Hahah and realised the softy feeling came from my blanket. Puhhhhh.... =.=

Anyway, he brightened up my day! :D

He made me do 5 Chem papers instead of the intended 3 papers (:

Nae oppa ya (: He's a charming person (:



Marilyn: I miss you too (: How did you know? I was just watching your dance vid yesterday (:

Hahah but just in case, for my friends back there who are going to forget how i look like (T.T)

I'm going to post a few more recent photos HEHEH so remember my face yea! (:

Gonna be back real soon!

After STPM let's go out aight? (:


Li Lan and I (:


The both of us having fun during Graduation day (;

Looking good, girl! (:


Heh! I like this pic a lot! :D



And of course! (:

I must add the pic of the main character too! :D

One week of terrible. TERRIBLE week has past! (:

Started on Tuesday, with Math Paper 1.

Proceeded with GP Papers 1 and 2 on Wed, together with Bio Paper 2.

Then on Thurs, I had Chem Paper 3 and History.

And on Friday, Math Paper 2.



Yea. Now the PCME people will understand what tiring and discouraging time the BCMHs have had last werk! ><

But all the best, yea, my beloved peers! (: SO many people have shown me much much support during the tough week :D

Stevenn, who bought cupcakes for my late-night studies because I love food that much and couldnt go out to get them.

Meilani, whose laptop I'm using to blog now :D

Regina dear, whose text message was kinda touching (:

Not to forget my comrade LENA CHUA who's taking the same combi,

Joerh for her Time Out! chocolate, all my other hostel mates and schoolmates! (:



Thank you Lannie dear, Jamie, Elysia and the rest, buddy HongZuo, and everyone else who'd sent me goodluck messages! (: (: (:

Saranghae!





Talked, thought about you.

Not so intentionally, but I regret so much. I know this is inappropriate, especially since it's been so long and forgotten,

But I am still very apologetic.

I've been selfish; I was not wise enough.

But then again, let's leave it here!

We can't come to a conclusion anyway.



I really dont want to have seemed what they seem like to me, in your eyes.

I'll be better at this, I promise. This to you, and myself.
You shouldn't be reading this I suppose. No, I've decided, you won't be.

But I'd still like to think that you'd give this old friend of yours some time for thoughts and memories.

That's not too much, eh? (:



But if there's one thing I'd want you to hear more than anything right now,



Well, thinking really hard bout it, (Spent around 15 minutes trying to think of what it would be =.=)
I realise that there couldnt be just one thing. There are so many things to say, more than words.

Perhaps I should write again when you come to mind next time.



For now, Shin Jiu hawiting! :D Na halsuissoh :D

FIGHT! (: (: (:



Counting down... oing home on Dec 9! (:

When they say countdown, this is what it means.


1 day to A Levels! O.o


My dear God. What can I say more?

I still feel extremely unprepared, a new kind of fear.

But this too, will be over. I shall just make the best out of what's left right? (:

And yesterday I had a good dream. One that was too good to wake up from.

One too good to even think about. Makes reality a nightmare in comparison.

I dreamnt that I met X at Serangoon MRT station. The familiar, old, good Serangoon MRT station (:

It was akward, so I didn't know if I should say hi? I didn't eventually. It's habit now.

You were wearing dark green. Black-framed glasses. You looked exactly what you always are. And I thank Heavens for that because usually people look a lil different and distorted in my dreams ><

Thought what always happened had just happened. Didn't expect much, yet suddenly, you were knocking the door of my old house. (Yeap, the old house in Malacca, the old apartment my family and i used to live in. The setting sort of just changed from Singapore MRT station to... my old house in Malacca?)

My mum opened the door and invited you in. I was of course, no less surprised than she was.

But happy, yes. Very happy, but given our friendship, expression isn't something we put on our faces, feelings arent something we'd wear on our sleeves.

And you had no idea how happy i was when you talked.

Can't remember what we talked about later, but I could guess it was just the usual, casual talk. We got comfortable as we talked, as if we're back to old times.

Loved the green shirt, loved how your deodorant smelled, loved how hard you're trying to eradicate the initial discomfort, loved how you smiled at me just like the old times.

Very nostalgic feelings.

And then later when you were about to leave, I sent you to the door. Closed the iron grill but I could still see you standing in front of the door.

What I was feeling that moment was, if there was anything so strong, gratitude more than anything else. We were finally talking again. We were finally smiling at each others' jokes again. I was close to you again, close enough to watch your animated expressions and akward hand gestures.

And hope. Some hope.

You turned away after that, and walked down the steps. (I live onthe 2nd floor)

Suddenly, you turned around, and took very quick, small steps up the stairs and then you were standing in front of me again.

Without any sign of what's going to happen next, you started telling me what your name was, what your age was, when your birthday was, your height (you said it's 406 cm!), your weight, what you liked, what you disliked, your habits, and stuffs.

You wanted us to get to know each other again. Start afresh again.

I was obviously very happy (: Thought it cute too.

And then you took out something from your pocket, something you sew yourself. Gave it to me. Some lucky pouch for A Levels.

And said something. Something sweet.

And then you were gone. But at least before you turned away, we were smiling (:

Reality check.

These will never happen. Believing in this is so much easier than trying to relive the dream.

Funny how we feel so real in our dreams. Very realistic, pure feelings.

In our dreams we dont have to be anyone else. We've got nothing to hide from our own mind.

This made me remember something.

To philosopical thinking HUNK that I sometimes text out of randomness,

I guess what we were talking about that night on msn, about how we behave and stuffs...

We both agree that we can't be people person all the time right?

I say, we can try to let others get to know us inside too (: That's one way for them to accept us, to think of us at times. We're hiding too much, holding back too much,

The friendship will not be fair.

I'm gonna try that, not just to people who are very close to us, but to other other people too.

My regret is that I dont think people really understand people like us. We seem so bipolar, so deceiving, very unpredictably temperamental.

So I guess for now, rather than perhaps silently hoping that others need me and like me in general, my friend, I'm gonna try to let more people understand me.

Not easy I think, but we;ll take it step by step.

Will you join me?

Met up with SK oppa this morning. Thank you for everything! :D

For the GC, for the breakfast, for the Redoxon, for the laughter, for the time, for the inspiration, for the hope you've given me (:

Nomu komapta (: Na haengbokaeyo, oppa (:

I can't pretend these tears

Aren't overflowing steadily

I can't prevent this hurt from

Almost overtaking me

But I will stand and say goodbye (stand and say goodbye)

For you'll never be mine